Tags: Games   Rants


I jumped on the bandwagon and bought Bioshock for Windows last weekend. It was time for a new game, and this one looked interesting. It’s a first-person shooter, which is definitely not my favorite genre. But it takes place in an underwater art deco city where you use magic, guns, and listen to tunes from the 1950’s while mutants jump at you from the dark! It was made for me.

So, I load it up and play through the prologue, where you survive a plane crash. Next I approach this spooky tower, enter the elevator, and then a cool Fallout-style black and white film plays, followed b...CRASH!!

Crap. Ok, hit the reset button on my computer, and reload. Turn down some of the video settings, and do it all again. I successfully go down the elevator without a crash! Awesome! Then I explore for a while, kill mutants, and then... and then... and then... and then... and then...

Crap. The game froze up. And that’s pretty much what playing Bioshock on Windows is like. The game is supposed to scare you and keep you on edge, but it’s supposed to be fear of the mutants, not fear of crashes. All I’m on edge about is when the next crash will happen. Can I save my game without a crash? Can I safely open this door? Will searching this container crash the game? Talk about keeping you on edge!


I’m not alone here. Plenty of discussion on digg.com reveals similar stories and pissed off customers. This is a broken game on Windows. Similar stories aren’t heard from XBOX 360 customers. So we can see where the game developer’s priorities were.


Bioshock on Windows is Not Finished!

Quality assurance in the gaming industry is garbage. I’m sure that the QA folks know how to test and are finding bugs. However, the game companies don’t care. Once they get to a release date, most companies will ship the game and patch it later. Or not patch it. They must know that the bugs exist, but they’re more interested in making their quarterly results than making customers happy. Ship the game, expect complaints, publish happy financial numbers, and release a patch sometime later.

There’s no incentive to wait until a game is finished. You can’t return a game to the store after you find out it doesn’t work. As soon as you break that precious plastic wrap, you’re on your own.


Bioshock Gameplay Tips

Here are some tips for surviving in Bioshock:

1. If you don’t have a second monitor, buy one.
2. Keep Windows Task Manager open on your second monitor so you can Alt-Tab to it and kill Bioshock.exe.
3. Keep the reset button of your computer within easy reach.
4. Update your device drivers to pass the time. It probably won’t help, but at least you’ll accomplish something.
5. Have a game that works installed on your system, like Oblivion or anything by Blizzard. These games are made by companies who actually delay their game release dates when they are not finished their games. That’s right, instead of getting instant cash and pissing off their customers, some companies choose to finish their games enough so that they run for more than a few minutes at a time.

Rumors say that a patch for Windows customers is on the way. Isn’t that nice. What will they do to make me forget that I got screwed by buying this game? I should have downloaded an illegal copy.

In the meantime, the company says that you need some beta video card drivers. But the install for those drivers say they can’t find any updates... And besides, I’m not installing unfinished drivers for an unfinished game. That’s an unacceptable policy. Did I pay for the Bioshock Beta, or what?

Most games take some effort to get running on Windows. It’s rare that you can install a game, load it, and enjoy. You usually have to adjust the screen resolution, choose which type of shadows your computer can handle, adjust the draw distance, tweak the grass density, choose the water reflection mode, adjust the texture quality, adjust actor detail, enable or disable specular highlighting, choose the appropriate anti-aliasing mode, see how much high-dynamic range lighting affects performance, and so on and so on until you can find the right mix of visual quality and frame rate. And that assumes that the game doesn’t crash when you load the game, start a new game, enter a new zone, load a game, jump into a tree, stand on the blue brick, swing a dagger while wearing the gauntlets of ogre power, dance and cast magic missile without any pants, or whatever might turn the game against you.

I think it’s time I bought a console and give up gaming on Windows forever. That would mean that I wouldn’t need a Windows PC at all! Is it time to buy a Mac desktop now? Hmm... I can see that day coming.


Some Happy Thoughts

To Bioshock’s credit, I still want to play it. I will wait patiently for a patch and see how things turn out. It seems like it could be a beautiful game. It is clearly inspired by Fallout. Just look at the men and women washroom signs. There are countless other allusions to Fallout in the game, like the black and white film vignettes and rusty retro architecture. It’s great! The art deco architecture, underwater urban environment, and retro 1950’s music make for a cool steampunk-ish world.

It will be a great game when it’s finished, I’m sure.